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Monday, September 21, 2009

Baby Fever (ha, not quite...maybe.)

Ok here's the breakdown - im 24, Justin is 28, we're newlweds, and neither of us have any kiddos. He's an only child. I have a sister with 2 kids and a stepson. Most of the time - I see my niece and nephew, they're a terror (cute tho), and im all good for awhile.

Until recently. (warning: most of the things in the next paragraph may be frivolous)

All my friends have kiddos. There's some new kiddos in the family. And im a little saddened that if/when we have a kiddo, they arent going to have any close playmates cause all the kids we know will all be older. I'm attending all these 1 yr birthday parties, and i get all sad when im the only one there without a kid. Like really...im the only one? Unless my bestie goes with me and then there's 2 of us, but that still doesnt make me feel real good. Ok, stupid reason ahead - holy crap i want a kid to take pics of ALL the time. Stupid but true. All my friends had kids before i really got into the photography stuff and now nobody has any newborns. I get to take pics of cute toddlers tho. But if I had my own kid, i wouldnt have to borrow everyone elses when i get an idea. Oh and all the knottie/nestie girls and their signatures dont help either. If i want to post I have to go stare at cute kids.

Ok seriously tho - I'd like to experience motherhood before the end of the world. (i wont exaggerate further on THAT note - well basically i just want to experience it in my lifetime. just want the experience period. maybe i shoulda just said that). Id also like my children to know their great great grandmother (my GREAT grandmother obviously). I was so, so thrilled she was able to make it to the wedding. Her husband is gone, and all of his siblings are gone, and she only has 1 sibling left. But she's amazing. And I know if she does not make it much longer, my child will still have it's GREAT grandma (my grandma), but it just wouldnt be the same. And i know Justin's grandparents would love to see him with a kiddo too. I'd hate for any of them to leave this world and not get to see that.

Issues:

Being pregnant freaks me the hell out. I know having children is "natural" - but it doesnt look natural to me. Dont get me wrong, there's some super cute and beautiful pregnant women out there, but it doesnt really ease my mind any. And childbirth just looks like pure pain. and then boom, there's a kid outside of you and im like HOLY SHIT! that JUST happened. freaks. me. out.

and i have a small house (well it's not too small. it's 3 bedrooms, and id prefer 4). and i dont really want to move right now. and no matter how bad i want to decorate a nursery (thanks nesties...), i dont really have a room for one. it'd prolly turn out boring anyway, and then id be an emotional wreck. And financially speaking, well at the moment, there's just other things id prefer to spend my money on than baby stuff.

So conclusion is : i'm totally not pregnant.

Justin wants a kid before he's 30. My bestie wants a kid now - but realistically in the next 2 years. So my plan is - when she gets married in April - we all start trying. LOL

1 comments:

Mrs. Lovers Knot September 24, 2009 at 9:40 AM  

I fight this issue every other day. Some days I really want a child and some days the thought of being pregnant freaks me out. However, big decisions like these take me a long time to do. Its natural to be scared/nervous, its a big life changing event. :)

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